Posted by Leslie on June 06, 19100 at 20:24:02:
I don't know what I am looking for by posting this. I just didn't have the greatest weekend or the greatest day. As many of you know, I had a positive beta that didn't work out. I really tried to stay positive..to think that this is a sign that I should try, try again. Now, I don't know if I want to do it again..or how many times I should try it again. I know that before the + beta, I was doing better. I mean, I was just coming to the conclusion and beginning to accept that this maybe wasn't going to work out for me..of course I was sad about it, but I was happy that I had made some decisions and that I would definately have a baby. I was feeling better being around pregnant women and hearing about babies and pregnancies. It wasn't bothering me so much. The last few days though...it is bothering me again..and I hate it. On one hand, I think that maybe this was just proof that I can get pregnant..on the other hand, I think this may be proof that I am going to be in for more and more and more
disappointment. I have to wait until the beginning of July to try again...the summer will be almost over by the time I get my next beta. The fall will be here...it will be another year gone by. I feel like I am wasting my life away. I don't know what I should do..try or not try and start getting excited about the idea of adoption again. You know, it couldn't have been worse timing that this happened...just as I was getting some peace in my life, this happens. Something that I wanted so much and worked so hard for was just dangled in front of my face. I am just so angry about it. Leslie