Posted by on June 06, 19100 at 21:27:30:
In Reply to: I'm not sure what to do.. posted by Leslie on June 06, 19100 at 20:24:02:
: I don't know what I am looking for by posting this. I just didn't have the greatest weekend or the greatest day. As many of you know, I had a positive beta that didn't work out. I really tried to stay positive..to think that this is a sign that I should try, try again. Now, I don't know if I want to do it again..or how many times I should try it again. I know that before the + beta, I was doing better. I mean, I was just coming to the conclusion and beginning to accept that this maybe wasn't going to work out for me..of course I was sad about it, but I was happy that I had made some decisions and that I would definately have a baby. I was feeling better being around pregnant women and hearing about babies and pregnancies. It wasn't bothering me so much. The last few days though...it is bothering me again..and I hate it. On one hand, I think that maybe this was just proof that I can get pregnant..on the other hand, I think this may be proof that I am going to be in for more and more and more
: disappointment. I have to wait until the beginning of July to try again...the summer will be almost over by the time I get my next beta. The fall will be here...it will be another year gone by. I feel like I am wasting my life away. I don't know what I should do..try or not try and start getting excited about the idea of adoption again. You know, it couldn't have been worse timing that this happened...just as I was getting some peace in my life, this happens. Something that I wanted so much and worked so hard for was just dangled in front of my face. I am just so angry about it. Leslie
Leslie,
I had a chemical pregnancy my first IVF, I now have twins and I still haven't really gotten over that darn chemical pregnancy ... it'll always be "what could have been." My second IVF was an absolute disaster, I absolutely didn't want to go through another cycle, because of medical conditions resulting from my second cycle I had to wait almost five months to start the third, even though I didn't want to I went into my third cycle being forced by my RE and husband. I was absolutely nasty and so negative throughout my third cycle (totally out of character for me.) I started researching adoption quite seriously and decided this was the route I was taking come hell or high water, IVF was never going to work for me, blah, blah, blah ... end of story, I was just appeasing others by going through IVF #3. (Gosh -writing you now makes me remember how really awful and mean I was ... ugh.) Anyhow - this cycle worked. I don't know what to tell you to do and I don't think you're really even looking for someone to tell you this - only you can decide what's best for you. That chemical pregnancy was so hard for me but I did continue to clutch on to the knowledge that I indeed could get pregnant and I think that is what gave me the strength to keep going. While you're deciding what to do about another cycle you may want to start working on adoption ... there's a lot of work to do just figuring out which agency you want to go through, what country, etc. Once you start these balls rolling you may find you have the strength to give ART another try. Best Wishes ... Debi