Re: How do I cope?

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Posted by Lauren C. on June 30, 19100 at 00:28:16:

In Reply to: Re: How do I cope? posted by Sarah Jean on June 29, 19100 at 18:30:39:

: : Hi Sarah Jean, and welcome to the message board. I pop in from time to time, try to catch up on some posts, and try to shed some hindsight on the IF situation. Believe me, I know just where your mind is right now. I used to walk around in a twilight-zone-like-fog every day for years. I was unable to work, mainly because I had a lot of surgeries and was going through a lot of treatments and my career did not lend itself to a lenient schedule. But after 5 years of IF including uterine reconstructive surgery, tubal surgery, my husband's varicocelectomy, 2 miscarriages, countless meds/IUI cycles, 4 fresh IVFs and 2 FETs, I now have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. Sometimes, looking back, I don't know how I survived it all. I do know that I did not function as a happy person through it all. I still remember excruciatingly painful events, like my brother-in-law calling to announce the birth of their 4th child (we have 10 nieces and nephews) after my 2nd M/C and at the start of my 1st FET, after 3 fresh IVFs, and I had the bad luck of answering that phone call. Through it all I saw a wonderful therapist, sometimes 2-3 times a week. She saved my sanity at times. I did not go to many family functions, holiday gatherings, and other sordid "happy events". No one understood and I stopped caring whether they did or didn't. Unfortunately, I lost touch with a lot of "friends" during that time. But I did what I had to do. We spent all of our money and energy trying to have a baby, nonstop, for years. Again, I don't know how I did it. I had tremendous faith in my doctors (I was at Cornell) and I was young when we started trying - 30. I do know that I am by far a stronger person than many others, and I treasure my days with my children. I am a more secure mother, and I do what I think is best for me and my family - unlike other women who have to do what others are doing or even compete in their petty little ways with other mothers. I also had extremely problematic and life-threatening pregnancies, which is another story in itself. I am constantly and continuously aware that I am different than other women who never had to endure the tortures of infertility.
Please try to gather up the pieces of yourself after each disappointment and get yourself back on the treatment track for as long as you financially can. You are stronger than you think you are. I always said that I would continue treatment until the doctors told me to stop or until the money ran out. My husand didn't totally agree with the second part.
Good luck to you. I hope I helped you to cope. Lauren C.

I know that I message alot, but I do appreciate all of your support. I am not sure I can make it through another month. Tommorrow my husband turns 26... I know that the only thing he really wants is to be a father, but he won't say how hard this is on him. I am so crampy and tired and hungry all the time, and sometimes I even feel a little nauseated. Why does the body always want you to think that you are pregnant by giving you symptoms? It only makes things more difficult. I want to hope but I don't think I can handle my hopes being dashed another month. I am afraid that I am not going to make it through this cycle very well. Everyday I hope that I will feel a little bit different in hopes of thinking I may be pregnant. It seems that the days are dragging on and I am not sure if I can make to the next week. I have had such severe cramps since the two days after ovulation, and have been even more tired than I have in along time. I wish I could know the outcome... I wish that I knew what was to be... What agony it is. Am I overdramatic to even think that I could be? I am afraid to hope, everytime that I think I am, I'm devastated and have to face another month. How do I cope?

: Tiffany, I just found this message board a couple of days ago, and the responses that I received from people helped me tremendously.
: I'm just learning how to cope myself, with the disappointment of negative B-HCG's and the fear of new and additional injectable
: medications, and the fear of other procedures, etc. But what I think you and I and any woman who is going through an ordeal as trying as overcoming IF must do is find whatever it is
: that will distract/relax her and allow her to "escape" from all of this, even if temporarily. I found that just going to the gym for an hour this arfternoon helped me to develop a new attitude.
: I don't know if you like to work out or read or watch movies. I think I'm going to get a pedicure tomorrow; that always relaxes me. And I definitely find sharing experiences with the women who communicate through this message board
: very helpful. Try and find some way to "pamper" yourself and make yourself feel good, and try to keep in mind that you must have more strength and coping skills than you give yourself credit for or you wouldn't have
: gotten this far. I really respect the women who put themselves through month after month of these treatments; it's harder to keep doing this to our bodies, if there's a chance, than to quit and accept IF.
: Maybe you should have more faith in yourself. And as to the hoping ... you have to hope, we all do. We have to believe this is going to work.
: "Cautious optimism" is a popular phrase, but you have to be a bit optimistic, because after suffering the disappointments,
: hopefully you'll achieve your goal of pregnancy!
: I wish you luck and success and happiness!

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