Posted by theresa on April 21, 19100 at 09:17:53:
In Reply to: Thank you to Pam Madsen, Lisa Rosenthal, Kelly, Lauren, Martha, Dawn, Teresa and everyone I talked to through e-amil posted by Leslie on April 21, 19100 at 07:29:36:
Hi Leslie,
Very good to read your post and glad to know you are feeling better. Sometimes I feel we deal with so much disappointment and loss that we become experts at that and it makes it so hard to be hopeful.
I have been reading this book I like very much called "Wanting a Child." It is a collection by different writers, and covers just about every experience of loss to do with having a child. There are some stories about adopting babies, and the thing that struck me was the joy that leapt off the page. There is a very funny by Tama Janowitz about adopting a baby girl from China. So, I see this as a different path, but one that I feel is a possilibility in the future. Of course, my husband is less keen!!
But then I sometimes think that if I start looking into or thinking about adoption then I'm "giving up," I feel I am letting down that child of mine, that I just don't have what it takes. Maybe there just comes a time when you know -- when you are ready to leave one thing and try another.
Good luck with IUIs and here's to enjoying a rainy Friday!!
Theresa
: I just wanted to let everyone know how much it meant to me to have you all respond to me when I was in pretty bad shape a couple of weeks ago. It is good to know that there is a place to go to get support from people who really "get it".
: I am doing better. We start pergonal probably at the end of next week or the beginning of the following week .. and right now, I am actually OK if it doesn't work. We are only going to try it 2 to 3 more times before moving on to looking into adoption. Sometimes it makes me a little sad and scared to begin looking into adoption more, but mostly it is making me really excited to think that this nightmare could really be almost over. I think I lost sight of what was really important in all of this. I had such a focus on this desire and need to experience pregnancy, but it is the baby that is what is the most important thing. It is the baby that will help to create a family and I don't think it really matters how it becomes part of your family. I don't know if I am explaining that well, but that is where I am at right now. Yah, I would love to experience pregnancy. It will take a while for me to get over it if it doesn't happen, but for the first time, I think that I will be OK.
: Thanks again. I love you all.
: Leslie