This time really hurts-Another negative

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Posted by Kelly on July 19, 19100 at 17:26:02:

I'll never learn my lesson. Each month I start every cycle with the hopes that this will be it. I really believe it might be. Up until about 10 minutes ago I thought that. But the "I'm sorry not this time" gets real old. My poor dh had to listen to me sob while he is at a client. I don't know how everything sticks it out anymore. I thought I could do it. I told my dh on the phone I can't do this much longer. This was my 5th IUI (with 1 ivf and 2 fet's squreezed it there). I am on the roster for ivf in sept/oct. I to book it like flight. some flight. I was sopposed to do my last and final iui (my re will only let me do up to 6) next except I just got in the mail today a letter from Cigna stating that they gooofed and even though they have been paying for all my meds up until now NO MORE. great. so now I don't think we can do another iui right before ivf as we have barely saved enough for the ivf. My dh tells me it is his problem to worry about. At this point I feel that the iui's are pointless and want to do ivf right away excpet my clinic's lab is off for aug. I also was basically told I need to do iui right before an ivf bc I do not cycle. I am pcos and do not predictably ovulate. Though I have had 2 5 week cycles on my own during the past year (this is miraculas in itself and due to the met). I have been suffering withthe met for over 6 months where is my increase in egg quality I was promised? My re is on vacation until tuesday. I need to make a decision before day 3 of my period on what todo. I don't want to talk to a re who doens't know me from a hole int he wall. To make matters worse my ob who has been the pinnacle of support is also not in.

I just can't take the pain anymore. The let down. From reading the boards I know that a lot of people have had a hard time lately, how do you pick yrself up and continue? I am losing the energy. I even starting meditating this month to help me relax. A lot of good that did.
Sorry this is so long. I jsut needed to vent and release a little to those who understand.

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