Posted by on June 30, 19100 at 22:33:50:
I have been doing a lot of thinking. As some of you know, I have been "benched" from treatment for 42 days total. I have 33 days left and counting. This is due to an elevated FSH my RE believes from endometriosis.
On the positive side, I am trying to spend this time enjoying my life. I have been running every day and loving it! I have been drinking diet coke. And, I haven't had to be concerned about what is going to hurt my chances of conception. There is no chance of conception! I'm on bcp's! I want to spend this time doing constructive things like planning the next Rockland County Meeting, meeting up with friends, spending time with my husband, and just enjoying the sunshine.
On the negative side, I have been very hypersensitive and hyperemotional. Everything is hurting my feelings and making me upset. I have to go to the RE's office to discuss my metformin (?) protocal. I don't fully understand what is going on and I am scared. I am afraid that the big, bad, IVF word is going to be brought up again to me. When that becomes my only option, I am done with treatment and I will never be pregnant. My + beta that never progressed threw me for a loop. I want to see that I got a + beta as a + sign, but I am so scared that this is it..that it just isn't going to happen.
So, I think that the best thing for me is to just concentrate on all of the positives. I want to forget about infertility as much as I can for a while. I may pop in to lurk. I want to know if Tiffany's symptoms are positive signs! I want to know if JenA is going to get good news. I want to see how you all are. You can e-mail me if you feel like it. You are all very special and this message board is definatley special.
I'll be back in August.
Love-Leslie