Re: bad news- need support

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Posted by on May 21, 19100 at 09:50:38:

In Reply to: bad news- need support posted by allie on May 20, 19100 at 22:43:09:

Hi Allie,

I am so very sorry to read your post, and know it took a great deal of courage to share this with us. This is really devastating news, and I hope the retesting is fast and proves the first test is inaccurate. You are potentially dealing with two incredibly painful losses - your husband's health is severely under threat, along with the possiblity of having his biological child.

I think the whole suggestion of donor sperm is not the important thing right now, and I am surprised they even mentioned it (like we're all just interchangeable biological bits).

I will pray for you over the coming days and have enclosed my email address. The important thing is to find out what is really going on, are you going to redo the test at a different lab? This is such a hard, hard process, and to have this sort of news is really unimaginably cruel. I pray for you and your husband to have the strength to deal with this, and would encourage you to focus on your health right now and say gently that infertility has perhaps to take a back seat, which is not giving up your hopes for a child, but finding out what this means is what counts right now. Even with the worst case scenario, a positive result is not a death sentence, and I would also encourage you to not torment yourself thinking in terms of him having done something wrong. But I don't want to be insensitive to or minimize your fears and your pain. Big, big hugs.


: I was scheduled to begin my IVF cycle this month but yesterday

: my OB called and asked to see my husand and I. 2 weeks ago we had

: what we thought would be just routing, blood tests including

: HIV. Since we have been together for 7 years and I know

: he has not been screwing around on me, we felt

: find having these tests done because we knew that they

: would come back negative. When we went in today, the doctor

: said that all of my tests were negative but his HIV test

: came back positive. He became extremely upset because he

: hads not been doing anything wrong and had only had 2 other partners

: prior to me and they do not have this- and we cant figure

: why this happened. Of course he had an immediate retest

: today but needless to say we are devastated. I guess I am just

: trying to cope with the fact that I guess having a child is

: out and there is a real life threat to my husband and that

: it cant be long until my HIV test will come back negative

: because of his status. My ob said I could probably do the IVF

: with donar sperm but right now I am too upset to even think

: about that- what started our as an exciting chance to have

: a child has now turned into a terrorizing nightmare.

: guess I justed needed to vent- thanks for having this forum

: for me to come to.

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