William: sorry for the look of the room, Ivy, I'm working on a link
William: Hi Lisa, I'm working in another window..make yourself comfortable, Pam and our special guest should be here shortly :o)
DanWen: Hi William - I am Dan
Pamela: Hi Bill and everyone!!!
Pamela: Patricia has never participated in an on line chat before, so I may be turning into her during the chat!!! I may become her hands!!
DanWen: Hi Pam -- Guess WHO??
LisaF: Hi everyone!
Pamela: Oh, COOL!!!! Hi Guys!!! Or is it just Dan?
Pamela: Thanks Bill for the Empty Stoller Rally Banner!!! : )
DanWen: This is not real time - you have to refresh to see the posts?? Or am i in the wrong place in the program??
Pamela: Yes, You have to hit refresh!
DanWen: Just Dan for the moment -- Wendy is doing the bath thing
DanWen: Hi Patricia
Patricia: Hi Dan
William: heya, Dan, Pam, PatriciaM..oops, looks like PatriciaM left the room, well she'll find her way back :o)
Bathtime for my tykes here also I'll brb..
Pamela: Welcome Patricia! We are so glad that you are here! We will be starting soon.
DanWen: Pam - if the number of participants looks like it is getting to be close to 50 I will leave to make room otherwise I will try to stay on - how long is this chat intended to be?
LisaF: Hi, we are from Texas and are glad this chat is tonight!
Pamela: Welcome LisaF! I am glad that you found us!!!
DanWen: I have never done a chat in this format - how often do you refreash??
Pamela: Dan, very very often!!!!
LisaF: Often or you miss out!
Pamela: We had some exciting news today! We are opening a site in Southern NJ!
LisaF: Thats great! Now only if I would hit send instead of refresh!
Pamela: The chat is about an hour. Don't worry. We have a little breathing room beyond 50. Also the night before passover may make this a lighter night!
Pamela: Lisa F, since you are here first, do you have any questions for Patricia?
DanWen: I keep on doing that too - i have to get used to this format
LisaF: This is for people who are considering donation or are recieving right?
Pamela: Yes, Lisa, this chat is for people thinking about ovum donation. The emotional and practical issues. Patricia has counseled many couples on ovum donation and runs our special seminar series. She has also screened many donors.
Patricia: Lisa F. yes this is for the recipients
Pamela: Paticia call me again.
LisaF: Well, I'm looking into becoming a donor. I've met a lot of opposition because people think I'm giving away my baby. I look at it like this, if I can help someone achieve parenthood like I have, I think its fantastic. I loose an egg each month and dont say "Oh Look I'm throwing away an egg". Am I strange for thinking this way?
LisaF: giving away A baby not my baby.
Patricia: Lisa becoming a donor is wonderful but you need to look into good IVF centers who will also take care of you as a donor. How old are you?
Pamela: Hold on Lisa!! Patricia is going to respond!
LisaF: I'm 27
LisaF: I have given birth three times.
Patricia: Lisa you sound like you would be a great donor. Do tyou know whats involved?
Pamela: Hi Liz! We have started a little early. Patricia is in the room and taking questions.
LisaF: Yes, I do. I've been researching it in great detail! I'm also planning on doing my own IVF cycle in June if the funds will allow.
LisaF: I had a tubal ligation 5.5 years ago, but the RE thinks my results will be great.
Pamela: Lisa, do you have three kids and now you are experiencing infertility???? I am so confused!!!
LisaF: Sorry... Secondary infertility.
Pamela: yes, you should do very well with IVF, especially with your age. You would probably make a good donor as well.
DanWen: Do you want to donate some of your eggs in an IVF attempt??
Patricia: Lisa they probably would but you should consider donating after you finish with having kids
liz: thank you for the welcome.... just checking things out.... as I am just about to start my 2 DE cycle, the first being in March and was a chemical pregnancy......
Patricia: Liz where did you do the DE cycle?
liz: minnesota.
LisaF: We would like to have one more only and the funds will allow for only one attempt. The RE said over 65 % chance and I dont want a majority of the eggs to go to waste when someone else could benefit from them.
Pamela: Hi Laura! Patricia is here and ready to take any of your questions.
liz: I tried IVF on my own but had a very poor response, my RE had been gearing me towards DE since sept when I failed the clomid challenge....
Patricia: Liz there are some good programs in Minn and it must of been disappointing to get a chemical and come so close
liz: lisa you sound like a very caring person! As a reciepant I am very greatful to all donors!!!
Pamela: Patricia Mendell, CSW is in the chat room and ready to take your questions on ovum donation.
William: **waving to Liz in MN**...we lived in Iowa for 7 years, had our treatment at UIHC, have 4 embryos still frozen there.
LisaF: Thats why I came in there, I wanted to really find out how the recipents felt about it and If I was wrong for wanting to donate.
ivfmom: Willian,
We did Ivf at UIHC in 96. Hello!!
liz: patricia - it was very disappointing but not as bad as the failed attempt on our own.... I think it is because we are in a cost sharing program and know that we have 3 tries and if it doesn't work we get most of our money back to move on....
Patricia: Lisa will you be disappointed if the recipient couple gets pregnant and you do not?
Pamela: Liz, what makes it hard when donor egg cycles fail, is that it can be hard to get to the point that you are willing to do donor egg, then when you get there, you expect it to work right away!
LisaF: No, not at all!!! I would be very thankful that they were and take it to mean that God just wanted me to help.
William: **WAVING TO IVFMOM!**
We started treatment there in '93, Claire was born in October '95, the twins were from frozen embryos from that same cycle and were born in April '98. Did you have success at UIHC? We worked with both Dr. Syrop and Dr Van Voorhis, and Meredith was our favorite nurse!
liz: willaim - a big wave back!!! Were you successful???
Lisa- I can't speak for us all but the DE internet group I belong to are all very appreciative.... with out your help we couldn't achieve our goals!!!
Pamela: Does anyone have any questions how how to choose a donor or the differences between using the program donors or egg registries?
liz: william - WOW!!! congrats!!!! I hope to be half (more or less) as successful!!!
liz: pamela- One of the hard parts was I expected, now that I had the bad egg part fixed, that it would work..... but I have 2 more tries.... so I am hopeful!!!
Patricia: Liz I am hopeful it will work for you ...do you know the success rate at the program you are at?
William: I have a few questions for Patricia but I'll wait and let the others get theirs answered :o)
laura: Pamela - what are normal time frames when you find your own donor vs. using the program's donor eggs?
elise: On my 2nd try with DE. First try pregnant with twins, miscarried at 7-1/2 weeks. Using different donor, proven donor. Any merit to that?
joan: which egg donor programs have the highest success rates in the US?
ivfmom: William, Ditto on Merideth, she is our fav too. IVF/Icsi is now 2 1/2 and big brother (adopted when he was one week ) is 8. We have no frozen embies and can't afford to try it again although we would like too.
Caroline: Patricia - I would be interested in knowing why people choose to find a donor through a registry rather than using an anonymous donor through a program.
Pamela: If you are lucky you can find your own donor right away through advertising, or some people have had to wait advertising, because they have not found a donor that they like. The individual programs all have different wait times.
elise: My RE in So. Calif. boasts a take-home rate of 65%. I say success rates can range from 50-65% with DE.
DanWen: ivfmom, I actually have a question for you (this is the Wen part of DanWen)
liz: The clinic is only a year old (due to a split with his old partners) so when I joined the program in December they were at 65%, which were only ongoing pregnancies as the first wasn't due until january. I'm not sure how the stats are now, except I didn't help it any!!!
Patricia: There are a number of things to consider when doing ovum donation such as whether seeing a picture or having written information is important to you
ivfmom: Hi Wen!! Go ahead!!
Patricia: Caroline, some people want to see pictures of their donor or get more information or even meet their donor.
liz: patricia- what type of rates should one expect?
William: Joan, I don't know the answer to that but I could recommend looking at Dr. Schoolcraft's clinic in Colorado (one of the suburbs of Denver as I recall). The head nurse from our clinic is now coordinating egg donation for Schoolcraft, and from what I recall from analyzing the 1995 IVF REGISTRY data, Schoolcraft had just about the highest success rate for IVF in the whole USA. The one downside was that his multiples birthrate was also very, very high.
Schoolcraft's clinic might be a good one to make comparisons to, keeping in mind that all comparisons among clinics have to be done carefully due to how different clinics screen patients for treatment, access to insurance, etc.
amita: liz, my donor egg IVF failed too. My IVF was last month and we are doing FET April 28th. Did your RE say why your DEIVF could have failed?
elise: A picture and bio is nice to see.
cindy: Hi, I am using donor eggs/sperm. I am looking for childrens books geared toward single moms by donor insemination. I would like to be as open as possible. First FET failed, currently cd9 for a FET. thanks
cindy: Hi, I am using donor eggs/sperm. I am looking for childrens books geared toward single moms by donor insemination. I would like to be as open as possible. First FET failed, currently cd9 for a FET. thanks
DanWen: This probably belongs in a private room (sorry Patricia)but I was wondering how it felt to have an ICSI baby after adoption. Were there any emotional adjustments your adopted child had to make (or yourselves)?
LisaF: I have supplied two couples with pictures of myself and my children as well as bio information on all of us.
William: IVFMOM, did you know that, back then, Meredith used to have dreams of murdering particular patients?..hehehe...it was a hoot, sometimes in her dreams she even recruited the other nurses to help out in the dirty deed.
I probably shouldn't be telling that story, but Meredith was such a nice woman and had a great sense of humor about all that.
liz: amita- He didn't say but the embriologist seemed to be dissapointed witht he fertilization, we got 6 eggs (it was a shared cycle) and 3 fertilzed, I was rather happy with it as when we did IVF on our own we had none.
Pamela: Elaine Gordon has a book called Mommy Did I Grow In Your Tummy..I think that you can order the book through perspectives press. Perspectives may have some other books on the subject.
elise: The first donor I chose, her bio was so detailed, that I felt she would be someone I could be friends with. That was impt. to me.
elise: What would be the optimal # of DE eggs to return to avoid multiples? Does anyone know?
liz: amita- I am sorry to hear your cycle didn't work, how many embies do you have for the FET? We used all of ours in the fresh attempt so we will be doing freash again in may.
amita: Thankyou Liz
ivfmom: Wen,
Our adopted son has some mental health issues that are quite severe, we had no idea at the time of adoption, and I have always felt that our ivf baby was in God's plan and was sent so that our adopted son had a brother. He loves him so much! At first I would think to myself that he would favor one over the other, but but that has not been the case.
Pamela: Elise, I would say that two embryos are the right amount. Donor eggs have a high success rate.
liz: pamela-
what is the ave success rate?
cindy: Being single and using donor eggs/sperm, I have held off telling my family about my attempts at having a baby. any sugestions on how to break the (good) news some day. My family is very opinionated.
Pamela: What is so wonderful about donor eggs, is that it allows us to have some control over the process. We know what we are eatting, we get to feel the baby move and we also get to experience child birth.
amita: We have 9 left of different sizes. One 8 cell 2 6 cell on down. I'm wondering since our donor had three to begin with but the others came along slower and they extended the cycle 3 days if maybe the beginning three eggs could have been overstimulated? That is my hope and that the frozen will thaw and inplant and be healthy, please God. We paid for all of it ourselves.
DanWen: ivfmom,
our situation is that we have a 3 year old son through ICSI and are moving on to donor sperm. I am nervous about feeling that after our "miracle baby" there would be problems with a "second choice baby."
William: Elise, the best way to avoid multiples entirely is to transfer one at a time. Not very practical, unfortunately. We transferred 3 frozens and got twins, almost triplets (one had a slow heartbeat and was reabsorbed at about 10 weeks). Multiples is a big topic of my current research, and I really believe that if insurance coverage was available the multiples birthrates in IVF would be cut in half.
Pamela: Average success rates for donor egg should be around 50%.
elise: Couldn't agree more with you Pamela. The one thing that has kept me from pursuing adoption!
ivfmom: William, I will have to talk to her about that I do see her every once in a while, while on business the U. I'm a pharmacetical rep. Don't sell fert. drugs though Dr. Van did our retreival and transfer, and Dr. Syrop did a couple of exams
elise: William, absolutely. When money is involved, and it's your money, judgment goes out the window!
liz: cindy- are you using both donor eggs and donor sperm?
William: Pam, I agree with that completely, donor egg cycles have a high enough success rate thant 2x at a time is reasonable.
joan: How many times could one try using a donor egg before it is clear that it will not work?
cindy: Liz, yes
Pamela: ASRM has put our new suggest guide lines that encourages doctors not to transfer more than two embryos.
liz: amita- I hope for the best for you!!!!
peanut: should one attempt IVF if her own eggs may be depleting and quality may be poor if so should she do with ICSI and AH or should I go straight to donor egg
Pamela: Joan, that is a hard question and there is no fixed answer. But the doctors that I have spoken to seem to agree that three to four attempts are a good indicator.
liz: cindy- what to tell your family is a difficult one.... at this point we are planning on keeping the whole donor issue to ourselves until we decided to tell the child.
elise: Peanut, a RE should be able to give you an opinion on that. It took me 4 cancellations and 1 failed IVF cycle to accept DE.
liz: peanut- we felt the need to try IVF with my eggs, even though it didn't work it helped me move on to DE
Patricia: Tina It depends upon your age and the FSH levels and what your finances are.
peanut: elise, I have done 4 IUI's and had poor response except last cycle with supression ( suprefact) and puregon but RE doesnt want to chance any more IUIs and suggested IVF and then onto donnor but we only get one shot at this so I got to reseach every possible nook and crany
amita: Thanks liz, I wonder if there is any registration of donors to make sure that they are not donating more times than the clinic says that they should? Our donor gave donor eggs before at our clinic and seemed to be a slow responder with our cycle. Does anyone know if clinics check with each other about donor lists? If not they should with the expense being $14,000 and insurance not helping.
elise: I understand! I hated the cancellations, but it was something I had to go thru to move on to DE.
William: yes, IVFMom, when you see Meredith just work it into the discussion casually, like, "so, dream of murdering any patients lately?"
Let her know Bill Panak blew the whistle on her hehehe...she'll kill me if she ever sees me again.
liz: amita- I'm pretty sure they just take the donors at her word..... but I do agree about the $$ thing!
Patricia: Anita, There is no way to check how many times a donor has been a donor
peanut: elise Im so afraid of the outcomes and deciding on when to do it also this cycle or wait a few to get rid of the stress
elise: is there any merit to the so-called "proven donor." in terms of getting pregnant.
cindy: How much is the success rate based on the egg donors age as oposed to the reciprent. I am 40, donor is 32
amita: Thanks Patricia
elise: there is no perfect time, but getting rid of stress is important. If taking a few months off will do it, I say do it. It's important to feel good about the cycle.
William: Pamela, I think it will be interesting to see how long it takes for those guidelines to actually change practice. We've know that transferring more embryos increases multiples for so long, but as of the 1997 data the states without strong mandates were still averaging about 4 embryos per transfer.
Pamela: CIndy,
The success rate in donor egg is all about the age of the donor. Your age has very little to do with it.
Patricia: Elise Some of my patients feel strongly about getting a donor who has done it before and has been successful. This makes the couple feel that the donor will go through with it and that they have a better chance.
Terry: How much is the success rate based on the sperm as opposed to the egg?
peanut: elsie i just dont want to run out of time... I guess after meeting with the embryologisit next week ill know more about what decisions i have to make my eggs vs donor and im sure our donor list is lengthy
Pamela: Bill,
I think that we should penalize program for high order multiples and we should require that high orders be listed.
Patricia: The success rate is base on the age of the egg though the real serious sperm problems only get brought to light when one uses a donor egg.
Pamela: If the donor egg wait is long at your program, put your name on the list while you are cycling with your own eggs.
elise: If your donor list is lengthy, think about an agency and/or a shared program maybe. I went to an agency the first time and had a great experience.
cindy: I have had one failed FET. My lining is very thin, only 6.5 last time. how thin can a lining be to acheve a pregnancy. Should I cancel under 7mm thick?
elise: good idea Pamela!
liz: peanut- can you do IVF and be on the donor waiting list at the same time?
peanut: elise Im from Ontario things may be different here havent even researched this area just found out yesterdys docs appt my news
thanks pamela i will look into that
Patricia: The multiple issue is real and consumers should be concerned. Unfortunately when one gets to the day of the transfer one can be persuade by the doctor to put more in than is safe.
Pamela: Elise, it is called not putting all our eggs in one basket!! : )
elise: I think they like to see lining at 8mm, but what is important is to see a triple pattern, at least that was what I was told.
amita: We waited 6 months for our donor from our clinic. There were 15 couples ahead of us.
joan: you can do your own ivf cycle while you wait for a donor egg.
peanut: liz Im not sure im going to check all these questions out next week when i see the embryologisit im writing down all sorts of questions
LisaF: Your donor donated 15 times before you?
elise: My RE suggested three and said "NO" to four. Some do have good judgment, occasionally :-)
William: Just so y'all know, one area of Patricia's expertise is psychological aspects of ovum donation. Personally, I think that is a very important issue. Shelton and I face a situation where we have 3 kids and now wonder if we can afford another child (both financially and emotionally) and if we decide not to try for a 4th, then we will be donating embryos, which is a major issue for us. We never thought we would face this problem, but there it is.
liz: patrica- I'm happy to day that my RE will generally put back 2, 3 i f they aren't looking too good.
Patricia: Cindy the linning is an issue for some. Some people have looked to acupuncture or herbs or now there is a new item with using viagra to increase the linning.
Patricia: Cindy the linning is an issue for some. Some people have looked to acupuncture or herbs or now there is a new item with using viagra to increase the linning.
Pamela: Please remember, that Patricia and I are not doctors. If you have medical questions, please post them on the AIA physician moderated message board at https://americaninfertility.org we will try to help, but we are NOT doctors!!!!
peanut: does anyone know where i wouldlook on web or who i would contact in Ontario about egg donor agency etc.
amita: Lisa are you asking me that? No we had our own donor.
Pamela: Is anybody worried about how they will feel not being biologically related to the baby while your spouse is???
cindy: Patricia, are there any books or studies on the affects on the children of donor eggs? or is it too soon for any studies to have been done.
elise: I've learned that genetics is only a small part of the picture. The bond is really created while being pregnant! When I lost my twins in December, it was a real loss to me. They were mine!
DanWen: Cindy, why would it be any different for donor egg as comparred with Donor Sperm?
liz: peanut- I recall some one telling me that in canadian system the donors can't be compensated so donors are hard to come by.....
William: I agree with that also, Pam. I'm working up a scorecard scheme where you can weight success rates, prognostics, age mix of women patients, and multiples rates to assign a clinic an overall score, with components of the scores listed to let you know if the overall is due to success rates, multiples rates, or patient mix.
I think in the long run the insurance companies will penalize the MDs by refusing to enroll those MDs in their networks.
peanut: good nite all of you and thanks for some insite
cindy: Patricia, I worry a lot about being single and having no biological relationship to the child
peanut: liz you got that right i heard a two year list for some clinics
Patricia: Cindy I can understand this but some woman feel strongly about the bonding time when the baby is in the uterus.
liz: pamela - I'm with elise, I will be carring the child which will be a strong bond... and my husband will have the genetic bond!!!
cindy: Dan Wen, donor sperm has been around for a long time. Donor eggs are fairly new.
amita: I will be thrilled if our FET works. I just want to have my husbands baby and I am thrilled that our donor shares many of my characteristics and background. I have alot of cancer on my side of the family so I tell myself that I am giving my baby a better gene pool because donors are chosen because of good medical history.
Sarah: I heard the Fertility Options has donors from Canada. You may want to call them.
elise: Never once, did I think that the twins were not mine! I will look at the child and see my husband's characteristics. That is enough for me!!!!
DanWen: Cindy I understand that but why would there be any different concern regarding a study between the two?
Jo: My RE has recommended d/e, but I am a beginner & want to know where to start. What are my "first steps" to start the ball rolling? Thanks.
cindy: I feel that I will have a strong bond with the child. I worry that the child will hate me for "creating" him or her.
LisaF: Thank you all for letting me see the flip side of the coin! I appreciate it and wish you all the best in your journey.
Pamela: Liz, I remember a nurse speaking at one of our meetings and she talked about the recipient as the biological parent. That goes along with what you are saying. It is the recipient that is nourishing the baby. It is her blood flowing through the uterus. I liked that she called the recipient the biological parent.
liz: lisa - i wish you the best!!! You are a wonderful person to consider donating!!!
elise: Cindy, only if the child is told will they ever question that.
Patricia: Cindy if you feel comfortable with this child so will the child and if you are embarrassed so will the child be.. Its up to you.
elise: as far as I'm concerned, I don't see a need to tell.
cindy: DanWen, I just worry about my child not being able to know either of its biological parents.
amita: There is grief involved when you first find out that you can not have your own child, but passes rapidly when you realize that there may still be hope to carry your husbands child.
DanWen: Patricia - what is current thinking on to tell or not tell re DE??
michelle: goodevening ladies
hi i am from Ontario Canada and am seriously thinking about doing donar egg IVF
liz: I tend to look at the whole DE as a donation of tissue or an organ.... does someone who has had a heart transplant not consider the heart theirs? They are very greatful to the donor but once the heart starts pumping it is all thiers!!!
DanWen: Cindy -my wife and I feel very strongly that what counts most is the person gives love to the child to be not whose biological threads they happen to be
Pamela: Cindy, if you love your child, I believe that your child will be happy to be here. Except ofcourse, when the kid is fifteen. Then all bets are off! And it won't matter how they came into the world!
Patricia: DanWen To tell or npot to tell is not so simple. Disclosure depends on your situation and your relationships though keeping this secrtet for life is very hard.
Patricia: DanWen To tell or npot to tell is not so simple. Disclosure depends on your situation and your relationships though keeping this secrtet for life is very hard.
michelle: Good point liz
does anyone know what the percentage rates are for donor egg IVF?
I am menopausal, ovaries have stopped working. So donor egg is our only way
amita: cindy, I think everyone deserves honesty. We intend to tell our child if God blesses us through FET. Just as we will tell children that we adopt if God so blesses us. We just want a child.
cindy: Pamela, that is so true. I'm sure his/her attitude will change with age, from good to bad and back again.
DanWen: Patricia - if you decide to tell when is the best age for the child and for the parent(s)??
Patricia: Michele The success rate for donor egg should be at least 50 percent.
cat: Michelle,
I am 41 and feeling like time is running out. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
michelle: should be 50% or is 50%?
does it depend of the clinic?
Sarah: Patricia, so that means that if you trasfer two eggs than its 100%, right????
Patricia: DanWen The best age to tell depends on your own feelings Some tell from the beginning to get use to telling before the child understands while others waite until the child starts asking where did I come from?a
michelle: I will be 32 on Sunday and have been menopausal for 6 years. My ovaries stopped working completely 2 years ago.
Patricia: Sarah No it the same 50/50 per embryo transfer.
Nancy: I keep getting kicked out!! UGH!!
Patricia: Sarah No it the same 50/50 per embryo transfer.
cindy: Sarah, I wish! my first two failed
Sarah: Darn!
liz: nancy- don't you hate that!!!
DanWen: Michelle -- Happy Early Birthday
liz: sarah - you are a dreamer, aren't you???
amita: My RE said it depends if there is a baby in the egg. They can not tell by looking at it.
Nancy: I just went through my first DE cycle and got pg. But I have so many different emotions about it. I'm happy, sad, confused, scared, etc. all at the same time.
michelle: thank you
My husband is afraid of spending all that money and then it not working. I am trying to explain to him it is a chance you take. He thinks they are just out ot grab your money.
Sarah: Liz, just trying to be "optimistic."
cindy: Michelle I have the same dx as you, I am 40 now
DanWen: Nancy - Congrats
michelle: what is DE? Congratulations Nancy!!!!
Jo: Cindy & Michelle: me, too (age 36).
Nancy: liz, I'm trying not to take it personally!! I had to reenter about 3 times!
liz: michelle - are there any cost sharing programs near you? We have them in M it is where you get 3 tries and if after the 3rd try you aren't pg (actually a baby + 30 days) you get most of your $$ back!
Nancy: michelle, sorry about that - DE is donor egg.
Pamela: Michelle,
It is a risk. Most patients have to pay out of pocket and that stinks. But you have a much better chance at conception with donor eggs. But I there is still a risk that it won't work. Remember if the success rate at a clinic for donor egg is 50%, that means that 50% of the people are NOT getting pregnant during that same cycle. I would commit to three cycles to give it a fair shake.
michelle: Sorry to hear that cindy.
How long have you been menopausal?
Do you have any children?
Patricia: Michele I tell patients that they must decide because for some they have enough money to do donor egg or adoption but not both and if that is the case I urge them to do adoption because it is more of a bet than ovum donation.
cindy: Jo, nancy, any other problems? I had a uterine septum too and now lining problems.
Jo: None that I know of!
cindy: Michelle, no children, menopause showed up at 36, I'm not sure when it started.
michelle: Peanut does ICIS have a cost sharing?
I don't think so. Not after what i heard yesterday.
Well I guess maybe kinda. They look for a donor to help out two couples.
The approx total cost is $12,000.
for a one time deal.
Patricia: Nancy those are all normal feelings that everyone who does donor egg feels. Find someone to talk to and just ride the waves.
Nancy: Cindy, I have POF but I've carried a previous pregnancy before that. My RE thought he could keep me pg if I could just GET pg.
Jo: So how does one get the whole d/e thing going -- through RE's office?
liz: michelle - my clinic has cost sharing for both DE and regular IVF
Pamela: Just a note....if you would like to receive a complimentary newsletter from AIA, send me an email after the chat at and we will send you an information packet.
Jo: Nancy, Those are also normal pregnancy feelings even w/out d/e!! Good Luck!
cindy: I advertised for my donor. The waiting lists were too long.
michelle: Sorry jo
I have been menopausal since i was 26 but I believe it started long before that and my doctor ignored all the signs. After reading up on the signs were there and i did tell her about them. Piss me off. If i had known i would have tried to get pregnant right away.
Patricia: Jo you need to check out a number of DE programs because not all of them offer the same things.. Where do you live?
Nancy: Patricia, I do have a psychotherapist that I see once a week, and she tells me that I just need to work through it. I'm trying, but it's hard. So many emotions!
Patricia: Jo you need to check out a number of DE programs because not all of them offer the same things.. Where do you live?
liz: jo- yes, the RE gets the donor and your cycle in synch, then stims the donor while you take meds to develope your lining and then the donor does the retrieval and you get the transfer!!! A piece of cake (*s*)!
joan: If you advertised on your own, what papers did you use?
michelle: where are you liz
I am in Ontario
Jo: I'm in Manhattan.
Patricia: JOan where do live will depend on where you advertize.
cindy: I made up flyers that I posted at a college.
Patricia: JOan where do live will depend on where you advertize.
Nancy: Is anyone else here pg with DE?
joan: did people respond to the flyers at the college?
liz: joan- I've heard that most people use college papers for the ads or papers geared to young mothers...
DanWen: CIndy what kind of compensation did you offer in your adds??
michelle: before this chat session ends tonight
can someone please tell me how often you ladies meet in here?
Sarah: Has anyone gone through an agency to find their donor? My RE is waiting list is very long and I don't want to advertise myself because I don't want to talk to the donor myself.
Nancy: I used surromomsonline.com to find my donor. My RE thought she was the best donor they ever had.
cindy: I posted a lot, got about 5 calls. One had done it before and lived 1/2 mile from me!
Jo: Also, before chat ends, any d/e web sites you recommend?
liz: sarah - I haven't but I know of several other who have an it seemed to have worked out well for them....
joan: usually if you advertise yourself, the program you are using still does the screening and you would never have contact with the donor.
michelle: apparently the clinic i am working with gives the donor $4000 and then we pay her meds which work out to be approx another $3000
Patricia: Sarah there are a number of donor registries but you need to know that it could add 5-8 thousand dollars to your donor costs.
Pamela: Michelle,
We have chats three or four times a month. AIA has message boards that are very active and so does Fertile Thoughts. The schedule for the chats for May are posted at https://americaninfertility.org go to the meetings button.
William: michelle, we hae scheduled chats a few times a month, and the schedule is posted at the AIA website. When you "log out" of the room it will take you there. Also, there's chats going on all the time at FertileThoughts, but those are among patients, not moderated chats with online experts.
Sarah: Cindy,
aren't you afraid of the donor living so close to you?
Nancy: Jo, sign up with MVED (Mothers via egg donation) through Surrogacy.org. They are a GREAT wealth of information and support.
cindy: Danwen, same as the RE. I didn't put it in the ad.
Patricia: Nancy MEVED is a good resource
cindy: sarah, not at all, I never knew or see her around. We did meet.
liz: jo - i second nancy's suggestion!! Great group of woman!!
Patricia: Nancy MEVED is a good resource
William: Pam, you may want to put a link to your AIA homepage on the empty stroller rally page, that way people who hit the empty stroller page directly will find the AIA website as well :o)
Sarah: Bye. Thanks for all the input. It was helpful.
Jo: Nancy, Thanks.
Nancy: Patricia, yes. I learned EVERYTHING from them! And they talked me through the whole process!
michelle: thank you all so much
Jo: Thanks & good night all.
Pamela: Thanks Bill. I just told the grumpmaster...oh I mean web master!
DanWen: Thank you Pam and Patricia for this forum - it was very informative
michelle: I guess the session is over
William: hehehe...remember, GrumpMaster holds a "get Pam off the Phone" wildcard from me, he hasn't used that yet has he??
Pamela: Any last questions for Patricia???
liz: thank you everyone!!!!
William: Patricia, I want to thank you for stopping in, I think these kinds of discussions are very useful as folks prepare for donor cycles of any kind.
Pam, thanks again for lining up another great expert for the AIA-FT chats!
Pamela: Patricia is running a ovum donation series in NYC. If you live in the NY area,you may want to check it out. You can find information for the series on the AIA web site at https://americaninfertility.org
DanWen: Good nite and see ya in cyber land
Pamela: If there aren't any last questions, I am going to thank Patricia for coming by!!! The next chat will be on Over 40 with Dr. Spandorfer and the complete info is on the AIA or Fertile Thoughts web site. Any last questions?????
Pamela: Everyone is welcome to stay in the room and chat among yourselves. The room will remain open. Any last questions???
Pamela: Thank you for coming everyone!!!! If you have any other questions, please feel free to post them on the AIA message board. There are phyisicans who moderate the boards as well as therapists!! Thanks for being a wonderful speaker Patricia!!! And Thank You Bill at Fertile Thoughts!!!!! Good Night All!!!
William: Pam, also you might find the room useful for organizing people for the empty stroller rally, maybe people can post messages on your bulletin boards and then meet here in the evenings to coordinate activities to make the rally a big success!
Patricia: Good night all
William: g'nite Pammy baby! hehehehe..
Pamela: You are always thinking Mr. Bill!!!!